According to the science behind gratitude, the real benefit comes in giving it – even more so than receiving it. Does everyone you appreciate know you appreciate them? If so, do they know why? Part of the power of appreciation comes in being specific about what you appreciate and why.
If you and your team don't have a regular way to express your appreciation for each other, put this tool in your toolbox and decide how you want to implement it. In a weekly sync? Your All Hands? A dedicated Slack channel?
Here’s how to go about it -- see these steps in action.
Step 1: State your intention
Let the other person know what you're about to do; think of it as setting the stage. Essentially, you're welcoming them into a shared context.
That could look like saying or texting: “I want to tell you something I appreciate about you."
Unlike most Clean Communication practices, you can do this one over text or in a live conversation.
Step 2: Share the data
What did you see, experience, or hear? Use "I" statements in order to own your experience.
For example, “We’ve just spent the last three hours in a Clean Communication training and I heard you share some of the barriers to using Clean Communication in the workspace, which helps me understand how to adapt it in a way that feels more doable.”
Step 3: Share your feelings
How do you feel? Scan this sheet to look at feelings and see which words represent what's happening internally.
To continue with the example: “I’m feeling enthusiastic, contemplative, and hopeful”
Step 4: Share your met needs
Now map your feelings to needs using this sheet (scroll to the second page). To continue with the example above: “With a met need for understanding, clarity, and shared reality.”
You did it!
Paraphrase what you’re hearing and express what feelings it evokes in you. Then the person sharing their appreciation for you really knows it landed.
Example, "I'm hearing how valuable it was for you to get my perspective on the challenges to adopting Clean Communication and I'm feeling moved that you are really taking my feedback on board."